the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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