I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
