I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He passed out mid-signature
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
