I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You are the jesus of drinking
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
