It's like God shit irony all over that family
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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