he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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