We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
