Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize