I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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