he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
