What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
