i jhust puked up my retainher.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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