I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
