Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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