dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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