he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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