I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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