So drunk its hurt
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
