I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
