Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
