covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
