Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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