She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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