awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
