I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
