How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
