I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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