note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize