she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
