i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
