Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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