The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is Oprah even human
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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