when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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