I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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