I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Randomize
