Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
