im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My penis needs a shock collar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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