i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
