Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
