Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
