I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
