Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
