I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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