If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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