she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
