I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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