i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
