so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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