I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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