If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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