Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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