why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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