make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
