why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
