Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
