Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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