Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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