at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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