they need to just BURY HIM!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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