Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ugly people sure do ruin things
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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