Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
