Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
