We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
