"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
