didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
