We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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