put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
