Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
