Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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