it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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