Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize